Can't sleep

Merry Christmas Eve!

It doesn't really feel like the holidays this year. We celebrated Christmas last weekend with my family so I feel like I should already be taking down the tree, not to mention Mr. 16 Month Old has basically shed our lower half of our tree of it's ornaments so it looks pretty odd, but oh well. I'm sure at this point it will stay up well past Valentine's day.

I'm still up. It's nearly midnight. I have not been sleeping well at all, but tonight is the worst. I didn't take a benedryl like I normally do before bed so I itched for a while, tossed and turned, and then almost threw up from my serious acid reflux issue (that's after taking daily medication for that). Just a side note: I have woken up in the middle of the night throwing up stomach acid and dinner twice in the past week. I hate that. It's worse than morning sickness. Sometimes I worry about throwing up on Dennis. He's lucky that hasn't happened yet. Back on track, I also can't sleep because I'm pretty sure my neighbor shot his family tonight and was dragging them around the house all night. I don't know what's going on over there but I keep listening to see if I need to call the police. What a morbid though, I guess I'm in a morbid mood. But seriously...we did hear gun shots earlier tonight and we don't even live in the ghetto! Oh well, I finally took a benedryl...got more acid reflux so now I'm on the computer until who knows when.

I still have so much to get done before Monday but I can't find the energy to do anything. The whole "nesting" thing hasn't happened to met yet or burst of energy before delivery. I'm pretty sure that if I wasn't going to have a c-section on Monday, Kaleb would stay put for weeks longer. I actually had some contractions last week while at my OB's office getting a NST done so he did an eternal check which I was just POSITIVE would come back with you are definitely going into labor today. Nope. Nothing. My doctor said, "would you be upset if I told you that you're completely closed and he's way up there?"...I said yes and he kind of chuckled and said something like well then he's not saying that. Apparently I have a pretty comfy uterus, *shrug*.

Alright, well I'm going to go play on pogo until this Benedryl kicks in and I can get past the feeling like I'm about to throw up all over the place. See ya tomorrow...

Whoops!

Okay well I must admit I have been slacking...a lot. I don't know how people find time to blog or do anything else necessary in life. I'm surely sucking at all of those things.

I am now 38 weeks 4 days pregnant. WHOA. No one thought I would ever make it this far, I am so excited for Kaleb because that gives him so much more time to big a BIG boy and maybe that will mean less time in the NICU. Still my only holiday wish is that he does not even have to go to the NICU but I am about as prepared as possible if that happens. Most of the Trisomy 9 babies I've heard about have spent at least some time in the NICU for various reasons, normally feeding issues and a tube needs to be put in. I'm still very hopeful though. We had our NICU tour yesterday which made me sad. I so badly want to have a vaginal delivery so I can be up and walking quicker than a c-section. It's going to be very hard to not have him by my side at all times.

I had my last NST this morning, Dr. Peppy said he was somewhat sad to see this be our last NST and I happily told him I am not. Sure I love him and his staff...and the comfy recliner and flat screen I get to watch in the mornings during my test but so happy to be DONE. He then reminded me to get my pre-op appointment and blood drawn and I replied with a stumped, "huh?". Apparently his staff forgot to tell me to get this done weeks ago. I called the number at the hospital he told me to and they told me I would have to come in today since they are obviously closed on Christmas Eve. Dammit. I needed to be in to work right away for some last minute touch ups on my cases. We went to the hospital (after taking Dennis to the doctor, poor Denny) and waited for what seemed to be an eternity since we didn't have an appointment. I got all of my instructions for the morning of my c-section and of course was told again I needed to be at the hospital at 4am, BUT I do get to wear makeup, HOORAY for small victories!

Nolan is 16 months old and all over the place. He is in a very cuddly stage and will hug and kiss you if you ask him to. He says goodbye to his friends at school when we leave. Oh and while I'm on the topic of friends, he is being bullied by his so called "friends". Tuesday we were given an incident report showing one of his confidential "friends" had bitten him on the back for no good reason, sure enough huge bite on the back with parts of it looking like a hickey. The next day he came home and had a similar mark on his back next to the previous bite mark, but no incident report. I was slightly annoyed no one noticed Nolan being bitten again. But today....oh today. At bedtime we noticed another bite with some bruising around it on his back near his hip. I'm pretty livid about it. Again...no incident report. Are we even supervising the kids at this point? I feel like Nolan is clearly being targeted and bullied, maybe I should start watching those "bullying" specials on TV with Nolan and reading books about bullying. We all know how those issues can turn out. My poor baby. It makes me even more upset that even when they do see it and write an incident report, it's anonymous. They won't tell us who the convicted suspect is, otherwise I would punch the kid in the face and then for fun bite him/her on their back. Sorry...little protective here. That's probably a good idea that they keep the kids name a secret because revenge is a bitch.

And just a reminder to myself...I need to blog about my FANTASTIC weekend with my longtime girlfriends that I grew up with. It was amazing, but too short. Lots of fun pictures which I need to upload. I'm not allowing myself to post a blog until there are pictures on the computer. At least now I should have more time to myself and the computer since I'm officially out of work for the next couple of months (wish it could be longer...)

Okay I'm Back, 36 weeks 1 day

I haven't been posting my weekly updates like I should...so here we go. Complete with some TERRIBLE pictures of my Baby K belly!

36 weeks 1 day

I suddenly have guts to post my bare tummy, whoa...huge. 

"Your baby is gaining about an ounce a day. She now weighs almost 6 pounds (like a crenshaw melon) and is more than 18 1/2 inches long. She's shedding most of the downy hair that covered her body, as well as the vernix caseosa, the waxy substance that protected her skin during her nine-month amniotic bath. Next week, your baby will be considered full-term. Most likely she's in a head-down position, but if she isn't, your practitioner may suggest scheduling an external cephalic version, where she'll try to turn your baby by manipulating her from the outside of your belly."

How far along? 36 weeks.
Baby’s Size: He was 5lbs 13oz a couple of weeks ago so I'm sure he is well over 6lbs now. 
Total Weight Gain: About 22lbs so far, HALF of what I gained with Nolan. My OB is really proud of me. I of course feel huge though. 
Bellybutton: Uhm it's somewhat an outtie lately. Kaleb has been hitting it when he is dancing around and it sticks out for a few seconds at a time completely...but now it's more so out than in I guess. 
Stretchmarks: ALL OVER THE PLACE, dammit!
Maternity Clothes: They don't fit anymore and I'm NOT about to buy anymore (even though it's cold here in Florida now and I have no warm maternity clothes)
Gender: He is always showing off his junk during ultrasounds. 
Movement: He's a mover and shaker. My OB is amazed during my twice weekly NST's at all the movement. You can look at my stomach at any time of day and see his butt sticking out above my belly button and limbs moving all over the place. One of my co-workers was walking towards me across a room the other day and said "WHOA....did you feel that? He just kicked" Of course I felt it but holy cow...you were pretty far away. 
Sleep: Not happening. For the past week and a half I've had TERRIBLE acid reflux to the point of nearly throwing up nightly. I finally got some Prevacid which I just started yesterday...but I finally got to sleep easily last night but because I had a minor cold my throat was killing me and kept me up most of the night. I'm exhausted. 
Symptoms: Acid reflux - minor swelling - minor back pain- braxton hicks - headaches - itching - stretchmarks - restless legs
Food Aversions: mostly meat still
Food Cravings: ice chips
Best Moments this week: Waiting for my bestest girlfriends from Texas to come this weekend, this past Friday our fetal cardiologist said everything was still great with Baby K's heart!!
What I miss: Maternity clothes actually fitting me, being able to bend over, going up the stairs without stopping to get breath, not having BH all of the time, and most of all...SLEEP!!!!
What I am Looking forward to: meeting baby K in 20 days...WHOA!
Milestones: Entering into my 37th week...full term!!!! 

Dennis Was Admitted to the Hospital

Yep. You read right. Last night around 9:30ish p.m Dennis pulled out his cell phone and put his fingers to his throat to see what his pulse was. He looked pretty freaked out. I asked him if he wanted to go to the hospital and he said he thought so, that immediately told me something was wrong. He also mentioned possibly calling 911, ugh what?! I ran upstairs packed our things, woke Nolan up, got everyone in the car, put the travel stroller in the car and RACED to the hospital. I was fine knowing we were going to the closest hospital to our house because they had just renovated the place and I was sure it was going to be much nicer than the dump I've been to with clients in the past. I was wrong. They are STILL renovating the ER department, which was basically a small desk with a curtain (like you would find in a war area) to take vitals. Dennis went straight in and I unpacked everything and Nolan from the car. Once I got in they took him back for an x-ray and then he came back out and a man nurse wisked him away. I was asking if I could go back and Dennis just said no because of Nolan. His nurse could have had the decency to explain SOMETHING to me. I was freaking out. Why was he going straight to a room, ahead of all of these other ER patients who are still waiting? What is going on?

I was scared and mad. I had left my cell phone back at home in the panic of trying to get everything packed so we could leave quickly. I couldn't call anyone to help with Nolan and have no family here to help out really anyway. I was able to speak to one of the lady's at the dump of an admissions desk who snuck (is that a word?) us back to Dennis' room for a quick minute until his man nurse got back. I was able to get Dennis' phone to try to call a friend of mine but no answer. Nolan and I went back to the waiting room, I was a wreck. No news from Dennis, they could at least update me. I even at times pictured myself cussing out one of the women at the lame desk or demanding to be put back in the room with him. I'm bold...but not THAT bold apparently. Dennis finally called me and told me that they were admitting him, so I told him to ask someone to let me back there immediately. The same lady at the admissions desk took me back and again told me only a minute. I stayed for at least 5 minutes, HAH take that Florida Hospital! No answers as to what was going on. Dennis' BP was apparently sky high when he was first seen and had come down some but not enough.

Dennis will probably come home tomorrow but before that will get an EKG (just like Baby K!) and a stress test. Hopefully I can find someone to watch Nolan for a few hours tomorrow so I can be there for Dennis. I am so mad at this hospital. What do they think my 16 month old sleeping son is going to do, cause a riot or provide them with an outbreak of Cholera? Give me a break you assholes! Sorry for the language...clearly I am not over this!

Hopefully I can get some type of sleep tonight...I'm exhausted but too worried to do much sleeping. I don't even remember the last time Dennis and I spent a night apart....the only time I can think of is when he went to Texas MONTHS ago to spend time with his bestfriend that needed him. That was only for a couple of nights....before that it was probably when I moved to Florida nearly 4 years ago. Oh how I love that man!

Sigh...

This morning when I woke up I had a list of things I wanted to blog about today, but now that I'm back home from another non stress test (they will never end I tell ya) I can't think of a single thing to blog about. Other than my lack of bloginess lately. I haven't had much time to do anything lately. I need to take some pictures of the snow globe (as a friend calls it) that is growing where my stomach used to be. I was never this big with Nolan, and by big I don't mean I've gained a lot of weight because I have actually gained HALF of what I gained with Nolan. But damn....I have a snow globe. I can barely move, it hurts to breath, I can't see anything below me...and I'm just plain exhausted. Dennis has been AMAZING and taking really great care of me and Nolan, I couldn't ask for a better husband. He is so protective of us and gets easily upset if I try to do the dishes or pick up after Nolan or whatever...it's just me and the couch which is exactly what I need right now.

I'm 35 weeks and some days which means we have TWENTY-FOUR days until we get to be meet out brave little man. That also means that most of my monthly doctors appointments are ending. Thank god. I am so over the doctors. I know they are trying to help but Kaleb has proven to everyone he is a fighter...lets get him into the world and then run around crazy trying to figure out his needs and what is going on with him. We have our last cardiologist appointment today, well at least it better be. Phew...almost done. We have basically everything ready at home for him, we still don't know how long he will be in the NICU but we are ready just in case he doesn't have a long stay in the NICU.

I really need to stay on top of this blog, I didn't blog about Nolan's Halloween or other things that are going on....are other things going on? I'm consumed with exhaustion, Dennis' new shopping addiction, and work. Yes...Dennis has a shopping addiction. That will be another blog...or at least I hope it will be :)

Dennis is home now so we are going to do our tradition of eating lunch at Jason's deli before heading to the hospital for our cardiologist appointment. I'm pretty sure I'd rather sleep, until tomorrow...no eating or seeing doctors...just sleep.

The Santa Fight

This morning we got up, had breakfast together (I love when hubby doesn't go to work on the weekends so we can all have breakfast), and got ready to go to the mall to hang out with SANTA! Last year was insanity so I was fully prepared for the longest line I'd ever seen, but thankfully I was completely wrong. There were about two or three families in front of us so we only waited at most 15 minutes, lovely! As I predicted, Nolan doesn't quite like Santa yet. I mean who would, an old man with lots of weird hairs on his face and then uppity men jumping around you with cameras and flashing toys. If there was a book on how to cause a temper tantrum, this situation would definitely be in the top ten, for sure. Nolan screamed, cried, reached for us...it was terrible! The men with the cameras and toys told Dennis to sit next to Santa and try to hide so he wasn't in the shot, thank god this somewhat calmed Nolan down, enough for a couple decent pictures, until Santa peered around at Nolan and he realized he was still on that old man's lap...tantrum number two. It was really not that bad but slightly annoyed that their printer was broken up so they put all of the photos (all 30 of the screaming and 2 of the non screaming shots) on a cd and told us to print our own photos, WHERE? Do I look like I have time or energy to sit in a camera store to have them printed? ESPECIALLY, since I just stayed up until 1am fighting with snapfish.com so I could get nearly 400 prints for $10.00 only to find out that they jacked up their shipping so my total was only slightly less than if I had just ordered the photos without the code. Obviously, this is a very testy subject for me and I am clearly still pissed off about it. So no Santa...I don't want to spend more time figuring out how to get these photos printed for the cheapest price, UGH! [/end rant]

I was really excited to start getting Christmas all set up in the house this weekend, Denny even got cds of something like 150 children's xmas songs (could be slightly annoying though). Well we just found out Dennis basically has step throat, so I'm sure he'll be in bed all weekend. Either he's working or he's sick. Or Nolan is sick. What about the 34 week pregnant lady who has constant Braxton Hicks contractions and so much swelling that her feet could float? She's responsible for the laundry and all the other mommy tasks, womp womp. Well maybe I can get some of the Xmas things out myself and do some of the decorating (Denny hates when I try to do anything (laundry, cleaning, etc) because he's scared to death Kaleb's just going to fall right out of me...actually I'm not sure what he's scared of but that's about the only thing I can think of). At least I have next weekend to look forward to, we are planning to go to Celebration for the Christmas tree lighting and SNOW event!!! I swear, if either of my boys even TRY to get sick or cough or sneeze...I'm going without them! Me and Kaleb will party in the snow.

Speaking of Braxton Hicks, whoever said they are completely painless was an idiot. Sorry if you said that during your pregnancy, but you are an idiot as well (still love ya though). Mine are not painless and no they are not the "real deal" because they are all over the place. At times one will come on and I will lose my breath and have to stop in my tracks. I've gotten them while going up the stairs a few times, that's the worst. You can't sit down, you can't move, you can barely freaking breath...and you're worried you're going to fall down the damn stairs. I'm pretty sure that during some of these BH's my skin is going to tear open and that's just going to be how I'm going to birth Kaleb.

One more thing....one of the blogs I read often mentioned that Christmas is only 37 days or something away. Which that was written a couple of days ago so that brings the grand total days until Christmas to be around 35 days. I almost fell out of my chair. Seriously? 35 days? Kaleb will be born no later than two days after Xmas, so as of today I have officially 37 days or less until I meet Kaleb. That's definitely exciting but as I've mentioned a bazillion times in the past, I'm scared. Off my rocker scared. I never though I would actually want to be pregnant longer, but here I am...hoping my doctor will forget to meet us at the hospital on December 27th and I'll just have to stay pregnant another month or even longer. We finally did order all the furniture and bedding for his room and his room is almost completely painted, so that makes me feel a bit more ready. We've got the cradle put together, now just need to find mattress and bedding for that as well. Wow...so little time until Kaleb makes his debut!! Love you baby K!!!!

The Scientist

Sometimes I feel like a scientist. Like when I was told about Kaleb's condition I was suddenly forced to take terribly boring science and biology classes in college that I didn't want to. And then after those classes I was forced to take advanced versions of said classes. I don't like science. I never have and never will. I never grew up wanting to know about chromosomes or the likely hood that you'll get cruel and devastating news during a pregnancy, especially when you aren't even dealing with genetics here. I try to put on a happy face and go on with our lives, what other options do I have? I don't even know what to tell people anymore when they first find out about Kaleb. I was giving people, what felt like, a lecture in biology and chromosomes. Then I realized these people didn't have to sit through what seemed to be an eternity of genetic counseling, completely with diagrams and pictures. I'm an expert now, and so is Dennis.

I've really been trying to not think about my son's chromosomes but as I've said before, the closer I get to my due date the more I think about it. I don't think Kaleb is going to wait until my c-section date. I've been having "weird" feelings, pressure, PAIN, and other things that should probably not be mentioned on a blog that so many people in my personal life can read about. I only have around 6 more weeks until Kaleb is here for sure, and still not ready (physically, mentally, emotionally). My OB gave us a business card of a counselor that he recommends, after I tell him a sob story about all of the medical bills already rolling in and how we can't pay most of them at this point. So what does he do, gives me a counselors business card. A counselor that will bill us. It's also really hard for me to see any counselor, my minor in college was counseling so I was forced to go through personal counseling with the counseling interns at the school and learn all of the ins and outs of counseling, it's a mind game and I know how to put the puzzle together and I know what they are doing. It's annoying now. Whatever, I suppose I need some type of counseling, who knows.

I've been trying to find other blogs of mommies in the same type situation I'm in but there really aren't many. The blogs I normally come across in my search are the still birth kind. I still read them. My heart goes out to these women, I can't imagine. Actually I can imagine a small part of how they feel, since for a couple of weeks we were told our son would probably not survive past birth. That's a really hard pill to swallow. I remember thinking that if my baby would stay alive in me as long as I was carrying him then I will just find a way to carry him forever. Obviously it's not possible but I remember wanting that. Why would you start a process that you know isn't going to end well, just keep them in and waddle around for the rest of your life. Anyways, I do wish I had more mommies to connect with. I've found a couple who are dealing with serious issues and it's nice for us to all be there for each other. There is a website that lists out different categories of blogs, one of the categories is chromosomal issues however the blogs listed there are still about death and miscarriage, etc. How about women that have children with chromosome abnormalities? Where are they hiding at?

After reading the very sad baby loss blogs it does give me hope and makes me realize that I cannot be sad or upset or whatever I am. And really...I'm not. I'm excited to meet Kaleb and to learn everything about him and protect him from this harsh world, cuddle him, hug him, kiss him, and get him the best medical care that I can. I'm so lucky to be able to get to meet my son and spend a lifetime with him. I can't wait!

On another topic, is there anyone out there that is able to help me with my blog? I want to get the different pages listed at the top that people can click on to go to different pages but I can't figure it out. I also need to completely re-design my blog, the nicer blogs have paid for designs, which I'm really trying to get away from but I want some snappy designs on here. Let me know if anyone is willing to help, especially with the pages.

And yet another topic, one of my faves...NOLAN! He pee peed in his big boy potty yesterday morning, it was marvelous. Of course he hasn't done it since but he'll figure it out. I didn't have a reward system set up so we just clapped, yelled, and danced a lot. :) My little boy is growing up so fast, it's adorable. Today I found another tooth that just came through in the back, his first one towards the back. Oddly enough I hear those are the worst but he didn't even have a fever with this one. Odd. Clearly I'm happy about that but it's weird that he would get a 104 degree fever with front teeth and nothing for back teeth. Oh my silly son. I love my bean!