The Santa Fight

This morning we got up, had breakfast together (I love when hubby doesn't go to work on the weekends so we can all have breakfast), and got ready to go to the mall to hang out with SANTA! Last year was insanity so I was fully prepared for the longest line I'd ever seen, but thankfully I was completely wrong. There were about two or three families in front of us so we only waited at most 15 minutes, lovely! As I predicted, Nolan doesn't quite like Santa yet. I mean who would, an old man with lots of weird hairs on his face and then uppity men jumping around you with cameras and flashing toys. If there was a book on how to cause a temper tantrum, this situation would definitely be in the top ten, for sure. Nolan screamed, cried, reached for us...it was terrible! The men with the cameras and toys told Dennis to sit next to Santa and try to hide so he wasn't in the shot, thank god this somewhat calmed Nolan down, enough for a couple decent pictures, until Santa peered around at Nolan and he realized he was still on that old man's lap...tantrum number two. It was really not that bad but slightly annoyed that their printer was broken up so they put all of the photos (all 30 of the screaming and 2 of the non screaming shots) on a cd and told us to print our own photos, WHERE? Do I look like I have time or energy to sit in a camera store to have them printed? ESPECIALLY, since I just stayed up until 1am fighting with snapfish.com so I could get nearly 400 prints for $10.00 only to find out that they jacked up their shipping so my total was only slightly less than if I had just ordered the photos without the code. Obviously, this is a very testy subject for me and I am clearly still pissed off about it. So no Santa...I don't want to spend more time figuring out how to get these photos printed for the cheapest price, UGH! [/end rant]

I was really excited to start getting Christmas all set up in the house this weekend, Denny even got cds of something like 150 children's xmas songs (could be slightly annoying though). Well we just found out Dennis basically has step throat, so I'm sure he'll be in bed all weekend. Either he's working or he's sick. Or Nolan is sick. What about the 34 week pregnant lady who has constant Braxton Hicks contractions and so much swelling that her feet could float? She's responsible for the laundry and all the other mommy tasks, womp womp. Well maybe I can get some of the Xmas things out myself and do some of the decorating (Denny hates when I try to do anything (laundry, cleaning, etc) because he's scared to death Kaleb's just going to fall right out of me...actually I'm not sure what he's scared of but that's about the only thing I can think of). At least I have next weekend to look forward to, we are planning to go to Celebration for the Christmas tree lighting and SNOW event!!! I swear, if either of my boys even TRY to get sick or cough or sneeze...I'm going without them! Me and Kaleb will party in the snow.

Speaking of Braxton Hicks, whoever said they are completely painless was an idiot. Sorry if you said that during your pregnancy, but you are an idiot as well (still love ya though). Mine are not painless and no they are not the "real deal" because they are all over the place. At times one will come on and I will lose my breath and have to stop in my tracks. I've gotten them while going up the stairs a few times, that's the worst. You can't sit down, you can't move, you can barely freaking breath...and you're worried you're going to fall down the damn stairs. I'm pretty sure that during some of these BH's my skin is going to tear open and that's just going to be how I'm going to birth Kaleb.

One more thing....one of the blogs I read often mentioned that Christmas is only 37 days or something away. Which that was written a couple of days ago so that brings the grand total days until Christmas to be around 35 days. I almost fell out of my chair. Seriously? 35 days? Kaleb will be born no later than two days after Xmas, so as of today I have officially 37 days or less until I meet Kaleb. That's definitely exciting but as I've mentioned a bazillion times in the past, I'm scared. Off my rocker scared. I never though I would actually want to be pregnant longer, but here I am...hoping my doctor will forget to meet us at the hospital on December 27th and I'll just have to stay pregnant another month or even longer. We finally did order all the furniture and bedding for his room and his room is almost completely painted, so that makes me feel a bit more ready. We've got the cradle put together, now just need to find mattress and bedding for that as well. Wow...so little time until Kaleb makes his debut!! Love you baby K!!!!


The Scientist

Sometimes I feel like a scientist. Like when I was told about Kaleb's condition I was suddenly forced to take terribly boring science and biology classes in college that I didn't want to. And then after those classes I was forced to take advanced versions of said classes. I don't like science. I never have and never will. I never grew up wanting to know about chromosomes or the likely hood that you'll get cruel and devastating news during a pregnancy, especially when you aren't even dealing with genetics here. I try to put on a happy face and go on with our lives, what other options do I have? I don't even know what to tell people anymore when they first find out about Kaleb. I was giving people, what felt like, a lecture in biology and chromosomes. Then I realized these people didn't have to sit through what seemed to be an eternity of genetic counseling, completely with diagrams and pictures. I'm an expert now, and so is Dennis.

I've really been trying to not think about my son's chromosomes but as I've said before, the closer I get to my due date the more I think about it. I don't think Kaleb is going to wait until my c-section date. I've been having "weird" feelings, pressure, PAIN, and other things that should probably not be mentioned on a blog that so many people in my personal life can read about. I only have around 6 more weeks until Kaleb is here for sure, and still not ready (physically, mentally, emotionally). My OB gave us a business card of a counselor that he recommends, after I tell him a sob story about all of the medical bills already rolling in and how we can't pay most of them at this point. So what does he do, gives me a counselors business card. A counselor that will bill us. It's also really hard for me to see any counselor, my minor in college was counseling so I was forced to go through personal counseling with the counseling interns at the school and learn all of the ins and outs of counseling, it's a mind game and I know how to put the puzzle together and I know what they are doing. It's annoying now. Whatever, I suppose I need some type of counseling, who knows.

I've been trying to find other blogs of mommies in the same type situation I'm in but there really aren't many. The blogs I normally come across in my search are the still birth kind. I still read them. My heart goes out to these women, I can't imagine. Actually I can imagine a small part of how they feel, since for a couple of weeks we were told our son would probably not survive past birth. That's a really hard pill to swallow. I remember thinking that if my baby would stay alive in me as long as I was carrying him then I will just find a way to carry him forever. Obviously it's not possible but I remember wanting that. Why would you start a process that you know isn't going to end well, just keep them in and waddle around for the rest of your life. Anyways, I do wish I had more mommies to connect with. I've found a couple who are dealing with serious issues and it's nice for us to all be there for each other. There is a website that lists out different categories of blogs, one of the categories is chromosomal issues however the blogs listed there are still about death and miscarriage, etc. How about women that have children with chromosome abnormalities? Where are they hiding at?

After reading the very sad baby loss blogs it does give me hope and makes me realize that I cannot be sad or upset or whatever I am. And really...I'm not. I'm excited to meet Kaleb and to learn everything about him and protect him from this harsh world, cuddle him, hug him, kiss him, and get him the best medical care that I can. I'm so lucky to be able to get to meet my son and spend a lifetime with him. I can't wait!

On another topic, is there anyone out there that is able to help me with my blog? I want to get the different pages listed at the top that people can click on to go to different pages but I can't figure it out. I also need to completely re-design my blog, the nicer blogs have paid for designs, which I'm really trying to get away from but I want some snappy designs on here. Let me know if anyone is willing to help, especially with the pages.

And yet another topic, one of my faves...NOLAN! He pee peed in his big boy potty yesterday morning, it was marvelous. Of course he hasn't done it since but he'll figure it out. I didn't have a reward system set up so we just clapped, yelled, and danced a lot. :) My little boy is growing up so fast, it's adorable. Today I found another tooth that just came through in the back, his first one towards the back. Oddly enough I hear those are the worst but he didn't even have a fever with this one. Odd. Clearly I'm happy about that but it's weird that he would get a 104 degree fever with front teeth and nothing for back teeth. Oh my silly son. I love my bean!