A year ago...

It's hard to think back to a year ago, right before I had Kaleb actually. Everything has changed since then, literally everything. Everything I have known is gone, and for once I feel like that is a good thing. It's hard to remember what it was like to go to appointment after appointment of doctors telling me they don't know anything about Trisomy 9 or his heart defect or how his life would be impacted by all of this. We still go to appointment after appointment but it's much more positive.

I remember being a wreck...a complete and utter ridiculous amount of wreckage. Some days I couldn't get out of bed, other days I sat online and researched for hours....crying through all of it.

I do remember every two weeks having to get an echo done on Kaleb's heart at the cardiologists' office and praying to God that the left side of his heart magically grew, and then I remember being absolutely shocked when it actually did...grow...to the normal appropriate size. {they thought baby K had hypoplastic left heart syndrome} It was amazing. It was a miracle...even though I didn't believe in those kind of things. I hated those appointments. For 45 minutes I would lay on the table with the technologist doing the ultrasound not saying a damn word. Nothing. We sat in complete silence for 45 minutes. Every appointment felt like an eternity and I was just waiting for the bad news. It's so quiet because obviously there is something wrong. I would stare at her face...stone cold. When she would move her eyes up I was sure she found something dreadful. I do remember being excited to see his hands open up during those ultrasounds because my perinatologist had told me that his hands were basically fused shut. Kaleb was already proving them wrong.

Now that I've been writing this post I actually feel like I can remember that time quite well. And the feelings that I had at those times. It's almost like a certain smell or song that comes on and almost takes you back to that exact spot in time and you can almost feel it all over again. Like that...but I don't feel sadness now. Well, at least not like I did. Am I still sad? Yes. But mostly when we get different specialists or different tests or find out something new thats wrong...and of course the one that bugs me the most...the issues that my son may never walk. That can always make me cry.

I'm in a very happy place right now. I have everything I need and I will do anything for my children. I don't feel like the world is ending, or begging to not wake up the next morning (thank God for Nolan though...he kept me going).

Wow...it's really been a year? Thank God!

I can't believe if I didn't have my Trisomy 9 baby I wouldn't have these baby blues in my life. Thank goodness for baby blues. :) 


Kaleb's First Birthday

Yesterday was Kaleb's 1st birthday. We didn't do much since we are planning a party in January (I hate it so close to Christmas) but we tried our best to make him feel special. All day we told him "Happy Birthday" but the funny thing is that Nolan constantly told us it was not baby's birthday. He was very adamant that it was not yesterday and when he woke up this morning he told me it was baby's birthday today. He might have some control issues?! Last night we gave him a small piece of cake to see what would happen and sang to him.

Just like my 2 year old, he does not like getting dirty. Even if that means eating cake! 

Sad to say, but I was actually the one that put icing on his cheek. Not him. 
Why? Because, every first birthday should be celebrated with 
cake on your face. And since my baby doesn't like getting dirty, I did it for him. 
Clearly, he liked my decision. 

Well he didn't eat much of it but he enjoyed the little bit that he did. 

I can't believe he is one year old. Everyone says that but it's so true how fast they grow. Kaleb has been through so much in his first year of life, more than any of us do in our entire lives. He is my hero. 

My baby...you made it to one year and you will see many great years to come. You have changed many peoples lives and proved so many highly educated specialists wrong. You are a fighter. You were put here for a reason and I'm your mom for a reason. When I first found out about how special you were I sought help through Trisomy support groups. Many people there told me that I would be more accepting of my child's diagnosis after the first year, the first year is the craziest, and I will adjust within that first year. I thought they were crazy but they were so right. I love spending my days home with you, even though you cry the second I stand because standing leads to...waking away. And you can't have mommy walking away from you. You have different abilities and even though some may say you can't do things other people can do or you are slower to do those things, please remember you can do other things that they can't. You have the greatest smile which can instantly make me feel better. I am so blessed to have you in my life. You love your older brother, he can hit you or throw things at you and you just laugh at him. I don't think he can do any wrong in your eyes. And he loves you so much. He is so protective of you and often won't let others touch you. He covers you when he thinks it's time for you to go to sleep. You guys play peek a boo. He shows you how to use your toys...or will chew on them. He likes to change your diaper and hand you your bottles. He loves hugging you and has to say nite nite baby and give you a kiss and hug every night before you go to sleep. You sleep for 12 hours at night, you are amazing! You sometimes sleep during the day for maybe a couple of hours. You love to be in the stroller, anywhere out and about. You could care less about all of the toys we bought you. You want the remote, my phone, or iPad. You adore your father. More so than me. You light up, smile, and laugh when you see your daddy. And he loves you so much. Thank you for coming into our lives baby K. We love you! 


It's Snowing in Florida

Well not really, but..it does "snow" nightly in Celebration, FL. They set the town up really cute during the holidays, we went last year for the Christmas tree lighting and the nightly snowfall but Nolan was still too young to really get anything fun out of it. This year we went back and it was great!

Was the nearest parking spot nearly half a mile away from the town center?

Were there crowds everywhere?

Was there a Disney Radio concert happening at the same time (even more people than normal and teen music)? 

Was it insanely difficult to find a place to sit down?

Did Nolan have a great time?
YES! And that's all that matters! 

In Celebration it "snows" every hour starting at 6pm. It's great and it was cold that night too so it actually felt like we had a winter month. At first Nolan was extremely hesitant and pissed about this white stuff hitting him in the face and being on his feet. So he made me hold him in the beginning. We finally found a table outside right along the street where it snows and ordered some awesome food, I think we were there for three snowfalls. Greatness all around. This is definitely going to become a yearly tradition for our family! 

Yummy feet!

Nolan actually took this picture, and I LOVE it! Look at Kaleb pouting his lips, ahhh!


Paint Me Saturday

I was home with the kiddos and my hubby was working. The day before we went to Joann's to get some Christmas crafts that I could do with Nolan. I swear each time I do crafts with him I must forget how terrible the previous crafting experience was, I just keep putting myself through that. :) 

Before we crafted though Nolan had to make sure the entire house was clean. Actually, I made the mistake of cleaning when he was home/awake so of course that meant he HAD to clean. So I filled up his spray bottle and let him help me. When he has the spray bottle he forgets to wipe, so puddles tend to form in whatever area he is spraying or the carpet gets wet...because apparently you need to clean the carpet with a spray bottle? Here are the puddles that formed on my side table and my kitchen floor. Oh how I love my cleaning child. 

After the house was all clean and I wiped up the puddles that Nolan made it was crafting time. I was really excited, I've found a new love for all things craft and Dennis even bought me a Cricut (cuts images and lettering). Of course I haven't had time to learn how to use it yet but that's my goal this week. For crafting we painted ornaments which went really well at first. But as usual Nolan got a little out of hand with it. 

So far so good...


Oh. Not so great! 

I think he worked harder on painting himself than his star. 

Look at that concentration. (of course he did all of this naked)

Somehow even painted his legs. Looks like we threw in some sprinkles to the bath tub, nope just the paint peeling off of my child, and thank god it did. I didn't really "research" what the best paint is to use with children. 

Kaleb luckily doesn't craft, he ate blueberry and banana baby food during the whole fiasco. 


A Quiet Saturday

I have longed for a quiet Saturday. And why is it quiet? I'm not quite sure because I am home with both of the boys and the hubby is at work all day. But the boys have decided to go easy on me today. And I for one, love those "easy" days. Nolan is quietly breaking OLD candy canes that I had on our Christmas tree last year. He is breaking them into pieces and putting them in a baggy, then having me close the baggy, then he opens the baggy, pours them out on the floor, and breaks them into smaller pieces and the cycle continues. Kaleb is taking a nap. Woohoo! He woke up at 2:30am this morning and then again at 7am. He is finally getting teeth so I'm sure it has to do with the pain associated with that.

Okay I had to stop this post because a sleeping baby woke up and an unamed toddler pooped. There goes my quietness. :)


Oh How Pinteresting Wednesday

It's that time of the week again...I just love pinterest :)

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Love me some Barney Stenson! 

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Dennis just bought me a Cricut for xmas...I've got a lot of learning to do! 

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Just examples of some of the things you can make with the cricut, I'm so excited! Now if only I could find time to watch the beginners CD

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