Tall Dark and NOT Handsome!

So much to talk about...prepare for a long journal entry :) 

This morning we met with Dr. Peppy (my OB). He got the results of our last echo-cardiogram and was very happy with the news of no HLHS! He said he does recommend that I have another c-section instead of trying for a VBAC which I agreed with. I really REALLY do not want another surgery because I won't be able to get right out of bed and see my son in the NICU but I realize it is probably the safest route since there are still a lot of unknowns. He still wants to deliver at 39 weeks (unless baby K stops growing or something else crazy happens) which has us looking at a Christmas baby :) We got to hear baby K's heartbeat which sounded wonderful as usual and Dr. Peppy talked me into getting a flu shot. Now my arms hurts. 

Afterwards we left and went to Winnie Palmer to see one of the many perinatologists there. As I blogged about in my last blog I was excited to get the tall and cute perinatologist, but let me just tell you that he is actually not as cute as I remember and his arrogance and bedside manner completely decrease his "cuteness factor".  I think his name might have been Dr. Leary or something. Also, we got a totally spaced out technician who didn't even leave the screen turned for us to see baby K while she took all of her measurements. I was pissed. She assured us during the scan that she would turn the screen so we could look at baby K at the end, which she did, but it was for MAYBE 30 seconds and then the tall but not so cute doctor came in at that time so I was trying to pay attention to him and the screen, it was annoying. Anyways-- Dr. Leary asked us a bunch of dumb questions that he should know had he READ my HUGE chart. 

Dr. Leary: Have you guys seen genetics regarding these issues?
Me: Yes (thinking-- I should say something sarcastic like.."you mean there is something wrong with my baby?". OF COURSE I've seen a genetics counselor, "WHY DO YOU THINK I'M HERE?") 

Dr. Leary: Have you met with Dr. Albright yet?
Me: I don't think so but his name sounds familiar, who is he?
Dr. Leary: He's the orthopaedic doctor. 
Me (and Dennis): No, we were told not to meet with him until after Kaleb is born. 
Dr. Leary: Oh well yeah, he can't do anything to help you until after he is born. 
Me: So why would you even ask?!  --of course that's what I wanted to say.  

Anyways, they completed the scan and said Kaleb is 2lbs 3oz and right on target for weight. However, his arms and legs are measuring small/behind. Of course no explanation was given but that right now it’s not a big deal. So we continue with the monthly scans. 

Before leaving we managed to ask a couple of questions that Dr. Peppy had wanted us to ask...here's how that went. 

Question 1
Dennis: Do we need to get non-stress tests done on the baby? 
Dr. Leary: Well...uhm...I mean....considering all of the issues the baby has it probably wouldn't be a bad idea. [note: PROBABLY? You are the SPECIALIST...give me straight answers!]
Me: Is that something we get done at your office or somewhere else?
Dr. Leary: Well...uhm...I'm not sure. Probably at your OB's office? Yeah, at your OB's office, talk to him about it.  

Question 2
Dennis: Dr. Peppy wanted to know if a c-section at 39 weeks sounded alright or if it needed to be earlier for some reason? 
Dr. Leary: Uhmm....well. I've never seen you before right? (dr fumbles through my chart) I need to read what the other doctors have said about you to know for sure. The doctor fumbles some more, pretends to read a sentence or two and then says, "Yeah 39 sounds good. I mean...you don't want immature lungs on top of all of the other issues".  

Yeah definitely don't feel so positive about this interaction. At the end of the appointment they scheduled me with Dr. Locksmith, UGH. Another disaster waiting to happen. He was the first perinatologist we saw who did my amnio and then said, "I think your baby has trisomy 18, it's always fatal" and then basically left the room. 

I'm skipping ahead of myself. Before the end of my perinatologist appointment I asked the technician to please print me out some pictures of baby K's feet because I have a million face and profile shots but no one seems to want to print me any pictures of his feet. Well she focused in on something and then started typing "foot" into the machine on the picture to identify what she was looking out (kind of like how they do when they use an arrow to point out the gender). I look at Dennis and then looked back...FOOT? WHERE IS THE FOOT? His foot looked badly deformed. Then she moved on to the next image and typed "foot" again...which I guess was the other foot-- but still I couldn't make out anything that looked remotely like a foot. The only resemblance of a foot that I saw were toes...LOTS OF THEM. As in it looked like each of his feet had twenty toes on them. Yes, I over exaggerate a lot in my blogs and in my conversations that I put in this blog but seriously...there were toes...everywhere. And twisting. And feet that I had never seen before. So now a whole new worry. Yes I knew he had "opposite clubbed feet" and rocker bottom feet but this is a different level. I have pictures now of these feet and I don't think I'm going to scan them to add to this website because they are that bad. The whole reason I wanted pictures were to post on here so people would know what I'm talking about when I describe his feet. Maybe I’ll scan them and upload them once I get over the initial shock? Also, we just moved our computer and printer out of the extra room to start painting for Kaleb and Dennis hasn’t hooked the printer/scanner up so I’ve got to wait anyway.

OH and on top of that his hands look bad as well. Normally when we have ultrasounds it looks like his hands are somewhat opened but today they were clearly closed shut and also look deformed. I’ll post those photos soon, bear with me. 

I go into every appointment with a set goal, "the left side of his heart will be bigger", "he will measure on target with his gestational age", "there will be plenty of amniotic fluid", etc. But EVERYTIME I come out with a different issue than the main one I went there for.  

On a positive note (because I really feel like I need some positivity somewhere in this post), Kaleb is measuring mostly fine. He is a chunker, just like Nolan was. AND he has a HUGE head…just like Nolan. Also, he is kicking me like crazy and insanely active, thank God for that! Oh and...I have come to realize something positive out of this entire mess of a situation...my relationship with Dennis has been strengthened. We have been through so much together, we are inseperable, he calls me and I get butterflies again. This has brought us so much closer and for that I am grateful. This is so much easier to tolerate with someone like Dennis by your side. Thank you Denny! 

"Have you ever thrown a fistful of glitter in the air? Have you ever looked fear in the face and said I just don't care? It's only half past the point of no return, the tip of the ice burg, the sun before the burn, the thunder before the lightening, the breath before the phrase, have you ever felt this way?" ~Pink