Back to Work and Booooo to Daycare

Well today was my first day back to work in just about 2 and a half months. Wow, how time flies. I really took my time getting ready this morning, trying to make my vacation stretch out even a few minutes more, but it was inevitable. Finally, I brought myself to put my new shoes on and leave the house...ugh! I got to work to find that I already had work laid out for me as my boss is going on leave and so now I am the new boss for two weeks until she decides to come back to this lovely place. I was very busy all day, dodged a few obstacles that were (needlessly and sleazily) thrown my way and I must say I did pretty well. Of course I could not have survived without my good friend Jessica, thank goodness for her!

Apparently now that I am back at work I am not only a bad mother because I didn't "really try" to breastfeed but now also because my son is in daycare and not just because he is in daycare, but because I did not call a zillion times to make sure he is okay. Someone at my work today actually told me that when she had her children she used to bring their sleepers to work with her when she went back to work and didn't stop calling. Really? Is that necessary. To each his own...but wow. What is me calling the daycare going to do? I am going to call and see if Nolan is okay and of course they are going to say, of course! I'm not going to call and they are going to tell me the daycare burned down and forgot to call me, or Nolan cried so hard his eyeball popped out? Uhmm...I don't think so. If something happens they have my phone number. Is Nolan going to be upset and feel less loved because I didn't call a zillion times everyday? No! *sigh* Oh well...Maybe I'll call tomorrow just so I can show "them" that I am a "real" mother with a "real" bond to my child!

Oh and by the way...I hate daycare. My baby does not look like my baby anymore. I picked him up today and he was struggling to breath! Hello!! Maybe I should have called a zillion times?! My baby is so tired from daycare that he comes home and goes right to sleep, only wakes to drink his bottle twice and then back to sleep for the entire night...and I hate that. I realize Nolan isn't going to sing me a song right now but I enjoy him when he is awake and happy. Now I basically have no time with him...it's sad. I've come to the conclusion that the reason Nolan sleeps in ten minute spurts at daycare is because they don't swaddle him...don't they know newborns need to be swaddled or is that just my newborn? My newborn who can't sleep un-swaddled because his poor hands punch himself in the face while sleeping, startling him awake...it just doesn't work. Also, he just doesn't look the same, he looks hardened...like he's spent time in prison. Really, last night Nolan was staring us down and we just looked at each other like...is he giving us "the look"? The look that criminals have when they are tired and washed out but are still planning to live a life of crime and they are about to physically harm someone...that's what my baby looks like now. Thanks to daycare!