The "Hold Me" Baby

We have been really lucky with the temperment of our little bundle, until yesterday. Nolan generally is fussy during the day but nothing too terrible and he sleeps and eats just fine. Last night once Dennis got home it was a scream fest (this happened the night before too but he had a tad bit of a fever). Last night there was no fever and no explainable reason for Nolan to be crying but that he wanted to be held. Growing up, with all of the children that I've worked with the ones that drive me insane the most were the ones that wanted to be held constantly. I always blamed the parents for carting them around everywhere and never putting them down anywhere. This is not me...or Dennis. Where does my baby learn this? I read about parents "making the rounds" between the baby swing, the rocker, the bouncer, etc to calm a baby, but Nolan is not having that. He will lay in his rocker now for maybe 3 minutes and start screaming. The same thing happens with the swing and even sometimes the carseat/stroller combo that used to work so well on him. I am terrified of going anywhere with him because I don't want to be the mom with the screaming child. I know this happens often but when it happens to you, you feel like you are the only one in the store with a child and therefore understands the anxiety a parent goes through at that time, you also feel like everyone is staring at you and silently screaming "shut that kid up or we'll lynch you". I know it's inevitably going to happen someday, someday very soon I'm sure but I just don't think I'm ready for it just yet. It really sucks because we actually really need important things in this house, like food for one.

Speaking of important items, there are a lot of them. I am really sucking at this whole motherhood thing I think...I mean sh*t...I'm scared to go to the store! And we need things! For one we need more pacifiers. I honestly believe there is a pacifier thief who comes in unnoticed and steals all the pacifiers in homes. When Nolan was born we started with about 8 pacis and we are now down to 2. And because we put the other end in our mouth (the handle part) constantly just in case Nolan starts screaming, the handle is all messed up and nasty looking. On top of that we need bottle liners for the playtex bottles. So since we are almost out we are just using a Medela bottle that has a nipple that collapses every feeding under Nolan's gum strength. The bottle actually says on the side, "breastfeeding is always the best for baby". I'm pretty sure Medela would kill over if they knew that wasn't breast milk in that bottle. Anyways, I keep telling myself "maybe tomorrow we'll go shopping" and then tomorrow comes and oops no shopping!
On top of Nolan screaming bloody murder through most of the day, he is also sleeping less and less at night. Last night Nolan ate at 12am and then woke up at 4:30am. This is okay for a newborn but not Nolan's normal standard of sleep. We let him cry for thirty minutes until his "okay to wake up time". He actually fell asleep for a few minutes after crying for a while and then woke right back up to screaming. I had to turn the loud fan on in our room so my anxiety didn't go crazy. Nolan ate at 5:30am and went back to bed at 6:30am and is now still asleep (11am). I was very worried and couldn't tell from the monitor if he was still alive so I ran in his room to check on him, sound asleep...but very alive! I read online that you should let them sleep when they want to. I'm pretty sure his extra sleeping in the morning is messing up the nights but I can't bring myself to wake him, they have always said, "never wake a sleeping baby" right? I hope I'm doing the right thing.

As a new mommy you are constantly wondering "what to do"...and maybe I do more than others, but I think that is part of the whole gig. I have an extensive backround in babies and children and still have not a clue about my own child, sad really and devastating to a point. Oh well, it's all part of the game I guess.

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