1) newborn who hasn't napped all day and is still hungry
2) mommy who hasn't showered and is in an outfit you don't go outside in (nothing crazy, just pajamas really)
3) yappy puppy who hates people he doesn't know
4) old ass 50lb bassett hound who barks like no other when someone enters our house
5) schizo cat
So I holler downstairs "HOLD ON" as I run around trying to figure out what to do with the animals and the kid that is not done eating. I can't figure what to do so I scream again to keep holding on and then give up. I go to the door with a newborn in my arms, my yappy puppy on the stairs behind the gate and a 50lb bassett barrelling towards the door as soon as I open it. I quickly shut the door in the work men's faces and secure the bassetts collar in one hand and move newborn to the other hand and scream "come in now". Poor men shoulda just turned around and gotten right back in their cars, I wish I could have. So two of the men are the worker bees and the other man is the queen bee who gets the thermal camera out and looks at all of our walls downstairs for water. The entire time I have my yappy dog barking and my bassett barking. The bassett is jumping all over the worker bees who look damn near terrified. I find a spray bottle and chase my bassett around downstairs squirting her with water to make her stop. I clearly still haven't figured out how to make the dogs stop being annoying and make the situation more peaceful. The queen bee then says, "is it safe to go in the garage"...I said of course there are no more animals! Then the queen bee says, "but what about more children" hahah youre so funny. So he goes towards the door and I ask him to keep the garage door shut so Sadie can follow him around in the garage without bolting. The queen bee asks me where the light is and I tell him on the garage wall, the queen bee feels around and hits the garage door opener. Of course Sadie bolts and I bolt right behind her....STILL HAVE THE NEWBORN IN MY ARMS! Finally catch Sadie (because she's like a large fish you're reeling in) and drag her inside. Yeah I should also mention that I shouldn't be dragging Sadie anywhere because she is really old and has bad arthritus and has not had a pain pill today. I suck. I finally get Sadie inside and tell the men I'm going upstairs to coral the circus and to holler if they need me. I lock Sadie up in our bedroom. I lock the yappy puppy in his cage. I then lock...I mean lay Nolan down in his crib.
The dogs continue to bark and Nolan continues to scream. I go back downstairs to be "helpful" and the queen bee is back in the kitchen and gets out the camera again and shows me where all of the water is in the walls, sweet! Back to reality now. The queen bee goes on to tell me about the equipment...it's loud...it heats up any room its in....im going to need three of them....i cant use my kitchen while the equipments going and that if i need to go in the kitchen to just go under the plastic sheet they are STAPLING to my wall (okay they did leave out the staple part of it, but I later saw the staples in my wall). Okay so I get really nervous because clearly it sounds like he is saying that these driers will be in my home today and will be here for more than a day. So being the dumbass I am, I ask..."how long will the machines be here"...."oh probably until about maybe Monday"....MONDAY!!!!!! Today is Thursday!!!! Sweet Jesus someone catch me...oh wait...no one else is here except annoying animals and a baby who is STILL screaming.
The queen bee packs up his neato equipment and tells me the worker bees will take care of things and he is leaving , reminds me that he has given me his card (which I can't for the life of me find) and to call with any questions. I apologize for living in a f***ing zoo and then queen bee opens up and tells me about three lovely families he has encountered that are way worse, complete with stories of child and animal abuse/neglect. Great! I am off of work and would like to not hear about child abuse for the entire three months I'm off! I couldn't get the man to leave, finally he left! I told the men downstairs if they needed me I would be upstairs and to holler and then I said a prayer for my cat who might just bolt out the damn door that the worker bees are going in and out of constantly.
I went back upstairs and looked at my bassett smacking her lips. She ate something. Oh crap! She hasn't been outside in forever. I go into my bedroom only to smell the remnants of poop...damn dog ate her f***ing poop! Ooo and there is pee. Great! So I get down and clean the carpet. I have never wanted to harm something so much in my life...but then I remember it was basically all my fault. I finished there and went and grabbed ahold of my handsome yet bright red screaming child and made him another 2oz of bottle and fed him...praying he would fall asleep mid suck. No such luck. Kid has been up ALL day and has not taken ONE nap, aren't you tired?? The dogs finally stopped barking but then one of the worker bees came upstairs to the laundry room and barking hell commenced again. I'm sure this didn't help Nolan go to sleep. I rocked Nolan, cuddled Nolan, swaddled Nolan but nothing would get him to sleep.
While rocking with Nolan I can see from his room the laundry room so I can see everything worker bee #1 is doing. He takes one door off the wall and then pulls the dryer out of the wall and rips the base boards out...I thought I was going to throw up. Then tries to pull the other door off with no luck, neither of the worker bees could get that door off but still managed to get the other side of the laundry room's base boards ripped out. Finally everyone started to calm down again and Nolan looked like he might fall asleep, but then the dogs started barking again and there was no hope for little man to sleep. Worker bee #2 brought a large air maching upstairs and put it in front of the laundry room and turned it off. It was loud but not screaming loud. I look down at Nolan and the noise from the air machine made him PASS OUT, can I keep one of these things? I always knew my baby liked "white noise" but didn't realize this much!
While I was feeding Nolan before the men left I began thinking that something was happening next week. I thought about how the men will have to come back on Monday to get all of the equipment and then on Tuesday more workmen to paint and put on new base boards. Then I remember...next week is hell week (Nolan trying to sleep through the night) and then on Wednesday Dennis' mom and stepdad come in from out of town. Instantly I start crying. I suck at whatever this is I'm doing.
Dennis has finally come home and we sat outside talking for a few moments and can actually hear the hum of our house from outside....lovely.