Chicks Dig Scars

Yes, it's true. I like scars. They tell about experiences and your life. My son's scars are even more near and dear to my heart. They represent every surgery he has been through and made it through with a smile.

Today I took Kaleb to his Pediatric Surgeon. The guy isn't all that bad, sometimes a little busy. Pretty good looking for an older guy too, that doesn't hurt. Today he was really nice, listened, shot the breeze with my 3 year old, and then he focused on Kaleb. I took Kaleb there because his umbilical hernia that he's had since he was born, has been sticking out and has changed. I was prepared for him to say, it's fine and just cosmetic and kick us out of his office. I would then feel like I'm a little too crazy when it comes to Kaleb's medical issues and jump the gun sometimes.

Is that what he said? Nope. Not only does Kaleb have ONE hernia, he now has TWO. Along with his umbilical hernia he also has an incisional hernia which occurred after he had his Nissen surgery. Boo. They will need to fix them but normally don't until the child is around 3 years old after they have been walking for a while. Our surgeon asked me if Kaleb would even be able to walk in the future. I honestly have no idea. He said that Kaleb needs increased muscle tone in the area for the surgery which normally comes along during walking. Not to mention Kaleb is already low tone throughout his body. Ugh.

Today wasn't the best of days but it definitely wasn't the worst. I just kept thinking how most parents don't ever have their child's doctor ask if their kid will be able to walk. It's normally, "is he walking yet" or "how long has he been walking?". Not here.

Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't change Kaleb for anything. He is perfect in every tiny way. He melts my heart and has taught me so much about life and never taking anything for granted. But, I did find myself rocking him today apologizing and bawling my eyes out to him for his feet. I know it's not my fault. And it isn't even due to his chromosome disorder, they are completely independent. Does that make sense? He just has so much against him, hurdles, surgeries, tests, labs, hospitalizations, etc and his feet affect him in so many areas. It makes me so frustrated for him.

Please know this. I love his feet. I love the curve of them, the way his pinky toenails grows up instead of out, the three middle toes that are pulled back, the scars on them. I love to tickle them and kiss them and rub them. They are the cutest feet I've ever seen!

I love you Kaleb and your silly little feet! We will get past this like everything else. <3 p="p">

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