The Bomb

One moment my life was just fine and then in another moment it was like a bomb went off.

Dennis and I went for our 20 week anatomy ultrasound on 8/16. We found it was a boy and things went just fine. The technician said something about who reads the scans and she is only a technician and not a doctor and if my doctor needs to call me he will. We worried for a mere second about why she would say that and then went back to celebrating another boy and showing his picture to everyone. My life was as it always had been for the next 23 hours. The next morning I got a phone call from a number I didn't have programmed in my phone at 7:15 am. I screen all of my calls so I didn't answer, and I was still in bed trying to sleep. Something clicked though when a voice mail was left, what if it was the doctor? I listened to the message, "Erin, Dr. Peppy here. Call me back as soon as you get this message". My life...our lives...were forever changed by that one simple voice mail (which still sits in my voice mail box). I called Dr. Peppy back who is actually normally very peppy, but not for this call. He told me there was something wrong with the baby's extremities. He said he doesn't know what it all means but the baby may possibly have clubbed feet but also has abnormalities in his arms as well. I sobbed. I didn't ask questions. I just sobbed. I did however mange to write key words down that I heard during the phone call, because I knew that was one important call. He told me to come to his office for a blood work form to get done immediately and he would refer me to a specialist. Dennis and I went to his office to pick up the paperwork, Dr. Peppy happened to walk by and waved happily as he does to all of his patients. Then he realized who he was waving at and that clearly the woman he was waving at, at the front desk desperately needed help and guidance...I had no make up on and my eyes were severely swollen with my face entirely red. I tried to keep my sunglasses on as long as possible when I entered the doctors office, until it just felt un-cool and "jersey shore" like of me to do so any longer. Anyways, Dr. Peppy grabbed me by my hand and held it on the way into his office. He showed us with his hands/arms what our baby looks like and again said he doesn't know what is going on and that's why we need the specialist. He kept saying how important it was to rush and we need to hurry because I have "decisions" to make. He didn't need to tell me what decisions I needed to make, it was pretty clear. Dr. Peppy hugged me, as he always does when he sees patients and we left. I went to Quest to get my blood drawn and while there the lab lady who took my info asked me if I was going to be okay (I'm telling you, I looked HORRIBLE). We got to talking and she told me about her amnio experience. She also then bumped me to the front of the line and I was in and out in 10 minutes. Amazing.

Dennis and I decided to go out to Tampa to spend the day with my mom with Nolan. It helped get my mind off of things and kept me away from the vast knowledge of Google. I didn't hear from the specialist all day.

Wednesday: Finally the specialist called me this morning and set the appointment for tomorrow morning. They explained I would see a perinatologist (OB specialist) who would give me another sono, read the results, and if they recommend an amnio at that point I can have one right away. This is all so scary and obviously I don't want a huge needle going through my stomach to my uterus but I'll do anything for this little man. We need answers and I'm so excited to be moving forward and finally feeling like I can do something here.

I am so blessed to have the family and friends that I have. Everyone has been so supportive, it's amazing what a crisis teaches you about those around you. :)

"Have you ever thrown a fistful of glitter in the air? Have you ever looked fear in the face and said I just don't care? It's only half past the point of no return, the tip of the iceburg, the sun before the burn, the thunder before the lightning, the breath before the phrase, have you ever felt this way?"